October 28, 2019 Afternoon Verse Of The Day

Nourishing refreshment

Truth2Freedom's Blog

Past Benefits of Grace

I thank my God always concerning you, for the grace of God which was given you in Christ Jesus … even as the testimony concerning Christ was confirmed in you. (1:4, 6)

The first benefit of being a saint is the grace of salvation. Both which was given and was confirmed in the Greek are in the aorist tense, indicating action completed at a particular, definite point of time. At the moment a person trusts in Jesus Christ, he receives God’s grace and the testimony of Christ is confirmed in him. Once we are in Christ the grace of God is ours. Paul is grateful [I thank my God always concerning you] for those who have received the grace of salvation. His passion was to see people redeemed, and his joy was greatest when that happened. Keeping a proper perspective, his thanks is directed…

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Abandonment v Perseverance uhh ohh!

Man Standing on Top of Rock at Daytime
Between a rock and a hard place? Persevere!

Abandonment means differing things to many people. If you have ever experienced it you will not forget it. In the dictionary it is a noun which is confusing, I would think it should be a verb? It is also unique as to it is one of those words that it is the same word used to define itself. Like:

Definitions for abandonment
aban·don·mentHere are all the possible meanings and translations of the word abandonment.

Princeton’s WordNet(5.00

abandonment, forsaking, desertion(noun) the act of giving something up desertion, abandonment, defection(noun)withdrawing support or help despite allegiance or responsibility

“his abandonment of his wife and children left them penniless”.

And there is more but you get the drift. Now I always thought that leaving something or someone behind for any reason, not for another person to find was what it meant. No,abandonment has nothing to do with the finding just the leaving. So to the one leaving it behind it had little to no value. Obviously. ( Even though, A finder might find it valuable.) People abandon all kinds of persons, places, and things. We can abandon things even without leaving it, or them., or knowing it. However, if the abandoned is a person they will know it. If it’s a vow or a promise, God will know it.

Child abandonment is disturbing, awful, and more common than we think.

I was abandoned as a child. It was revealed to me during early adolescence out of the blue. In a drunken violent way. I was 13. I had had no idea of the reasons why my existence in the family had caused me often to sense an uneasy indifference from my siblings, but I did, and their attitude at times singled me out as peculiar. Which was shrugged off by most when I asked about it, except by the father figure whose answer to my question,”why do you call me by a nick name but no one else? Why do you call me Lucky?” He would laugh and tease me and whisper, “because your Lucky we kept ya.” I was informed by my parents on that fateful afternoon in my 13th year that who I believed I was or who they were, thus who all of us were had been wrong. I had believed that these two people were honest and loyal parents to me. Now I realized that they were not. I was not who I thought I was and neither were they who I thought they were.

The rug yanked from under my feet was swift and caused a wobbliness in my walk through life that no amount of time can change. Loyalty shattered caused trust issues. Being misled by literally every one you knew and had believed in at the same time was mind numbing. Then there was the Abandonment by a parent who knew me and left? Well that caused a plethora of damage that no child should ever have to experience. Healing through years of timely reasoning and consideration, understanding and eventual forgiveness took a while. A long while. The help I should have been given to facilitate my acceptance and understanding of the mess was not given. Even though, it had been urged by my school administrators who had noticed an abrupt change in me. Concerned of what consequence and thoughts might manifest if those urging were ignored. I was sent to see a doctor of psychiatry. Which puzzled me because I was certain shrinks were for crazy people. I mean I was 13 for Pete’s sake, I knew I was not crazy. I was Angry, very angry, confused, broken,sure, but not crazy. The professional I did see twice due to the school administrators strongly suggesting to my mother, said that I needed to leave the place I had called home. For how long he didn’t know yet, and I agreed with him. As far as I could tell this man was a help, and made sense to me. I had been instructed by my Mother through my aunt I had gone to stay with to watch what I said to the doctor. I told him everything. Apparently they were the crazies, and he said I needed to get out of that environment. My mother would have none of it. Not only that, but she now moved up my going home, from when I felt better about things, too tomorrow. I refused and was taken home on the weekend. A long period of silence floated over the family for several weeks. No more doctor visits since my Mother was furious that doctor would not discuss what I had said to him with her.

In the meanwhile I went about life scarred, determined, and willful. An unhealthy combination. I developed new goals in order to adapt, move forward and persevere. A chip on my shoulder where men were concerned the size of a boulder.

Instead of going to college as I had planned at the urging of my high school teachers and administrators, I took additional classes to keep my mind busy, went to work to cover hours after school and managed to move my graduation up a year earlier. I went to art school, modeling school, worked at a bank all while finishing high school. I wanted to go away to an art school or to New York to intern for an Interior Design company. Mom said no. So I did what any 17 year old would do. I got pregnant and married. Due to my age, events had to be in that order. I was out of the house. Goal reached.

Did you know that part of the reason the military prefers to train 18 to 23 year old recruits for warfare? It is because their frontal lobes are not completely developed yet. By about 24/25 years of age it is completed. The frontal lobe is the part of the brain that understands the relationship of consequences for actions. The fact of there being consequences for just about every decision we make, well those also have consequences. This lobe involves the depth of all following consequences. Those are the incomplete lobes missing in 17/18 year olds. Including mine. (because of this fact it is ridiculous that our society has decided to make the young age of 18 adulthood. I digress, sorry.)

Three beautiful children later and about 8 years I was divorced.

I believed in God, really believed. My husband had been raised devout Catholic, I was devout to my religion, a Lutheran, a protestant. Our children we had decided before our marriage would be protestant. Even against the protestations of his family. My husband to be, being almost 5 years older than I was. (his frontal lobe becoming fully developed was still about 3 years out from our wedding date.) Still He could make a stand since he was over 21.

We were ok at our attempt of married life for the first couple of years. Just ok. By the 5th year we were not ok. Which in hindsight there were many reasons for this. The #1 reason I now see was the lack of God as the center of our marriage. I had faith in a religion, my husband had none. Even though our children started out in a Lutheran school, I taught Sunday school, the kids went to Sunday School for a while and hubby didn’t. He started to become just like the family and home I had to get out of. Disinterested in the kids and I but quite fond of his work buddies, friends and booze. More often than not I had no idea where he was or what he was doing, especially after work. I tried repeatedly to talk to him about this. Usually he would agree to stop the behavior, that appeared to me to be indifferent and untrustworthy, disloyal despite his assuring me he was loyal. I was deciding men were the enemy. Things would go along with us fine for about 15 minutes then spiral out of control again. By the 6th year I was talking of leaving and even had papers for separation/divorce filed. We were fighting just like at my home while growing up. The thing I hated and swore I would not put my kids through. He was disinterested and untrustworthy despite his promises to stop and pay us more attention. I agreed to try again, he moved back home. Things went ok for a while, maybe 30 minutes this time. He didn’t keep his promises. The 7th year my health was declining. I blamed it on the stress and over work. Three children, a job, a carousing drunken husband, and handling all the home responsibilities. He brought home what was left of his paycheck and cut the grass on occasion. We fought. In August of ’69 I was with the kids and some neighbors at a lake for a days outing when I suddenly collapsed in horrible pain. The park rangers called an ambulance for me. My neighbors promised to watch over the kids until we found out what was happening. The local hospital wanted to perform emergency surgery on what they believed was a ruptured bleeding ulcer. I tried to locate my husband. I couldn’t. I asked the hospital to call my mother, she contacted the rest of the family for help and hauled my father out of work. All were on a search and find mission for my errant husband. I would not allow surgery until he was found, so the kids would at least have a father, it was a Friday. About 8 that evening the hospital agreed to make arrangements at a hospital for me nearer my home and my parents picked me up. The second ambulance ride from hospital to hospital would not be covered by insurance and the co-pay I owed already for the first ride would surely be a doozey.

I was admitted to St. Lukes hospital in Milwaukee. Hubby was located by my dad walking the streets of bars my husband frequented on the lower south side of town. He called me at the hospital from home after Dad dropped him off. He was angry about leaving his car at the beer joint. I could hardly grasp what he was saying, between my pain, the meds I was having drip into me via IV’s, plus he was slurring his words. Something in my brain snapped. I went cold. No arguing, no anger just cold certainty wrapped me. I told him where his children were, I had managed to get them back home about ten pm thanks to a sister with her daughter to babysit. I informed my husband I would be getting a full-time job as soon as I was able and would be filing for a divorce. No more chances. He should take that knowledge to the bank, and no it was not necessary for him to come to the hospital. Not now not ever. I was firm, resolute and cold as ice. I kept my word.

By late October the papers were filed, I had a job, and he went to his mothers home. He had not bothered with finding himself an apartment because he was convinced he could change my mind, again. He couldn’t.

In Wisconsin divorces had to be with fault-finding and agreed to by a judge to be egregious enough to warrant a divorce. There was a one-year reconciliation period, and if none than the divorce would be granted at the end of that year. The judge had asked me my plans for taking care of my children and work. He thought my plan was exceptional, and spent almost an hour asking my husband what was he thinking? I just wanted out of the marriage, so I had not asked for any money, the judge thought otherwise, and I was granted a nominal sum for the three children. I had built an impenetrable wall over those last two years, around me. My husband had tried to breach it a few times with no success. He had my mother try to talk me out of the divorce. That was a huge mistake on his part. Revealing to me that he had never really understood that a marriage like hers was part of what I left home to be rid of. When she approached me about how hard divorce life would be she got an earful of what living a marriage like hers had been on my two younger sisters and I! The wall grew higher and thicker. Next my husband went to the pastor of the church we were married and baptized our children in. He said that what my husband had done to me was literally abandonment. Bells went off. I hated that word and feeling since I was 13! However, I could not bring myself to say that. To me in order to be abandoned he needed to be gone and not want to come back. My pastor thought he could make a case for it anyway by the fact that my husband was incapable of being a husband. I was more afraid of lieing to God than in being excommunicated. I had come to realize that I just needed to be away from the pain and convinced myself that God would be ok with my putting asunder what He brought together. Boy, was I wrong. I had a lot of learning the hard way to do.

relationship failure problem sad
For Better or Worse? Until death do us part?

A great deal of literature I read on divorce said not to make any major decisions for at least a year, and don’t get remarried for at least five years. I decided those were my new goal. One consequence I had not considered was how really really difficult being the only breadwinner for a family of four could be and parent at the same time. I also hadn’t considered how I would now be the disciplinarian and nurturer at the same time, how confusing that could be for my kids. Not having a church to go to bothered me as well, and what would happen if I got sick and couldn’t work or be home. How to work and be at the kids programs and activities at the same time. During the one-year reconciliation period a few of those consequences were speaking to me about possibly reconsidering a few things when My husband (about 6 months) into it had gotten a much younger girl pregnant. He needed a waiver from me of any chance of reconciliation, so he could marry her. I gave it to him.

This was a head knocking learning period, and to continue, with no end in sight. I depended on family, male friends, work friends and God to make it through. Any of my male friends who got serious I stopped seeing, I did not want to sacrifice my goal. I had several proposals, made some new friends and hurt more than a few people. Including me and worse my kids. My mother passed away suddenly from lung cancer in 1973. We had mended a few fences, despite she continued to drink, just not as often. She was my go to person in emergency situations. One of the men I had been seeing for quite a while who was about 15 years my senior, that I also worked for at times. I thought he understood my goals, yet he decided during the time of my mothers illness and passing to begin to pressure me on many points. I had begun to awaken to more and more of the reality of how life with him would impact both our families. It would have been devilishly delightful for me, but just hell for my children and his. So we split up. He decided if he couldn’t have me I couldn’t have his jobs. I was a designer for his chain of clubs./restaurants. My income dropped, I had been offered a job at the Lake Geneva Bunny club, as a Bunny but after driving there I decided the distance added to my work schedule time was not feasible. So I cried a lot. One day on the way home from Mom’s hospital I pulled over on a side road and bawled. The realization that now my support structure, that apparently I relied on more than I realized was deteriorating. Crying in my car on the side of roads was not new to me. I never wanted the kids to see me like that. This time was different and I literally cried out to God for help. I was afraid of tomorrow. I felt more abandoned, betrayed, out of control. Later that night in bed I cried some more and prayed, fervently.

woman wearing grey long sleeved top photography
Alone on a precipice,

God answered. He spoke to me. Then He gave me a vision. Now some people don’t want to believe that God still does these things, just as in Biblical times. But He does. Do you know what the test is? (because Satan is not above counterfeiting Gods Blessings) The truth these gifts are truly from God is if they come true! Satan is very limited in what he can do or not. God is not limited in anything. First He told me my greatest sin, error which had separated us was my lack of faith in Him. Which I needed clarification on, and He let me know that I broke my wedding vow to Him not just my husband and that was way worse. Had I true faith I would have asked Him to repair my marriage, and change the situation for the both of us. I did not make it through that temptation and trial. All I could see then was my anger, pride, and desires. However, despite my sin and lack of faith He showed me a vision after I had asked if this mess I created was all there was ever going to be? Was this it? How my life would be? God, my True Father, showed me a man, and I cried. I didn’t like men anymore. He said no you will marry this man. I will what? Yes you will marry this man, things would change. I tried to place the man in the vision as there was something familiar about him but I just could not. Then God showed me a little boy. A toddler on a trike with golden curls all over his head. God told me this will be your son. Then it was over. I was jolted and joyful both at the same time, right to my core. It was as vivid and real as if it played out in real life right in front of me. It still is. The next day I couldn’t wait to tell my Mom that she could die resting assured that God was with me, and the kids and I would be fine. She believed too. A few tears flowed down her cheeks, and she squeezed my hand when I told her God was in charge. Forgiving both of us. Mom had at a few points in her life experienced some wonderful majestic miraculous times with our most Holy Loving God too. As did my Grandmother. God had not abandoned me, I had left Him. He heard my call and answered, what an Amazing Grace He gives.

man with fireworks
Exhilarated ready for a new day in Thanksgiving and praise

After that evening everything changed. My fear was gone I had new energy and joy was restored. I put the house we were living in up for sale after Mom passed. One of the men I had turned down his proposal came out and bought it. He had recently become engaged and asked if I would meet her. He apparently had told her about me and I really felt awkward but agreed to meet Dick’s intended. She was wonderful, they bought the house and I started packing. We would not move until I found a place more affordable. My Dad had moved into my guest room after Mom’s funeral and paid a few dollars a week towards the utilities until we could move. That I found out later was another of my bad decisions. He was even worse than I had thought years ago. Like most of us he had a good side and could be kind. But when he was bad he was very bad.

The Point of my unwrapping all this personal drama before the world is two fold. 1. Perseverance. God honors it, expects it and teaches us about it in several places in His word. 2Pet. 1: 1-7 which I paraphrase here, He has given us everything we need for a Godly life. We do not need more.

He called us by His Glory and goodness. He has given us his very precious and great promises. We should know and appreciate the perfectness of His gifts. The corruption in the world is caused by our own evil desires. In v. 5,” For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness: and to goodness, knowledge, and to knowledge self-control, and to self-control perseverance and to perseverance Godliness, and to godliness, mutual affection, and to mutual affection Love.” Do you know what perseverance in Hebrew means? It means PER (means,’ to go through’), SEVERE'( we know it’s meaning), ance (trials.)

2.A marriage is a sacred thing that God values immensely. We must not abandon it! Marriage is between two broken people, sinners. It can be trying, and trials are God’s tool for developing our faith, and our strength, courage and convictions, which builds our character! We must be willing to go through trouble, difficulties, out of our comfort zones. In faith to grow and be rewarded, like Job. Job was wealthy had a large family many animals a large house. He had by all exterior appearances had made it. God knew he was faithful and allowed Job the opportunity to show it. Now we might not think that the awful time Job went through is something to aspire to. In one day he lost all his wealth, his health and all of his children died! What a day! Trial of such magnitude, but he persevered on and God Blessed Job with even more in the last part of his life than he had in the earlier part. Job persevered because it was necessary for his character and maturity. God’s eye view, His perspective is not ours, not by a long shot. Our problems in this finite world seem so great, but in the light of eternity it is but a speck. Rom.5:3-4, Luke 8:15, …’but we also glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance and perseverance character and character produces hope.!”

So when a year and a half later I was dating someone. Actually, the older brother of one of my brother-in-laws. I asked him eventually if he had ever had a beard? (the man in my vision had a beard). I had not as of this date mentioned to him the vision I had. He actually said he had had a beard during hunting season a couple of years earlier, he took out a photo. It was him. The face of the man in my vision. The photo was taken right about the time of the vision. We had not seen each other for years. When he asked, I said yes. We were married in a Lutheran Church and at my request my second chance converted from Catholicism to Lutheran. In our first year, we had the most adorable little boy, A cherub looking toddler with golden curls. I had to pinch myself and praise God as I watched his little body pedal down the patio on his little trike. His golden curls encircling his face, just exactly as the Lord had shown me!

Grayscale Photo of Baby Feet With Father and Mother Hands in Heart Signs
Second Chances Blessed by God through perseverance

In 1977, I was born again, at a Jesuit retreat house in Oshkosh Wi. That my second marriage had its rocky roads is well known but I had promised God never to not trust Him in this marriage as I did not in the first one. We were married until August 2006, when the Lord took him home. Just short of 35 years. As our marriage entered its 3rd decade after several trials we had become more than husband and wife, we were also BFF’s! Upon my new birth things began to change in me and all around. He was not certain at all he liked the change. He told me I was not the woman he married, during an argument and I agreed. I showed him in the Bible where if he wanted to leave me because of it he could and I would not object. It was his decision to make. He decided to stay.

God really can and will change a loveless, uncaring marriage into His vision for both of you. He will turn hurt and sadness into Joy and Love to carry into many tomorrows. If you persevere. Do not abandon the gifts God has placed in your midst. But watch the transformation, yours. Rejoice in the Amazing Grace He gives.

Invisible disabilities: The comorbids — Brainless Blogger

When I was younger and I was diagnosed with this thing called fibromyalgia syndrome that no one knew a thing about let alone how to treat I thought well that is that then… I will just deal with this and that will be it. Oh, how silly I was. Illnesses get lonely. They like to […]

Invisible disabilities: The comorbids — Brainless Blogger

So Damn Tired!

woman wearing black off shoulder dress

Not kidding, some days are this bad…..

The SATED test: a self-report questionnaire developed by sleep researchers to determine sleep fulfillment

A self-report questionnaire developed by sleep researchers to determine sleep fulfillment

Chronic Diseases are famous for fatigue! Fatigue is not a strong enough word to describe the exhausted weakness that over takes the body. Keeping our eyes open let alone concentrating on anything is impossible. Even our most loved activities can not do it. When the chronically ill body says sleep. sleep it is..

apartment bed carpet chair
When getting out of bed means moving to the couch….

Insufficient sleep is now one of the most significant lifestyle factors influencing whether you will develop Alzheimer’s disease. During sleep, a remarkable sewage system in the brain, called the lymphatic system, kicks into high gear. As you enter deep sleep, this sanitation system cleanses the brain of a sticky, toxic protein linked to Alzheimer’s, known as beta amyloid. Without sufficient sleep, you fail to get that power cleanse. With each passing night of insufficient sleep that Alzheimer’s disease risk escalates, like compounding interest on a loan.

Parenthetically, and unscientifically, I have always found it curious that Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan – two leaders who were very vocal, if not proud, about sleeping only four to five hours a night – both went on to develop the ruthless disease of Alzheimer’s. The current US president, Donald Trump – also a vociferous proclaimer of sleeping just a few hours each night – may want to take note.

woman sitting beside table

Insurance companies know the damage sleep deprivation can cause, not only on our bodies but the economy.

And Then There Are the Doctors in Training!

All individuals on the healthcare team must take this problem seriously, since Medical Errors are the third leading cause of death in the country. All providers must know the patient safety threat is great when the team is likely functioning on very subpar levels due to sleep deprivation. Try sleeping in a hospital.? It is a cliche often said hospitals are not for sleeping…….Well maybe they should be!

Perhaps you have also noticed a desire to eat more when you’re tired? This is no coincidence. Too little sleep swells concentrations of a hormone that makes you feel hungry while suppressing a companion hormone that otherwise signals food satisfaction. Despite being full, you will still want to eat more. It’s a recipe linked to weight gain in sleep-deficient adults and children alike.

animal ape banana cute

Worse, should you try to diet but don’t get enough sleep while doing so, it is futile, since up to 70% of the weight you lose will come from lean body mass, not fat. Turn these facts around and you realize that plentiful sleep is powerful tool for controlling your appetite, your weight and keeping your body trim. Sleep the pounds off no one said ever, but I am willing to try.

Sleep is perhaps the greatest treatment we have. How many times have we heard of comatose patients, zzzzzing off for months, even years, then wake up. New and improved.

Actually fatigue and not just the everyday midafternoon crash is common. A good strong cup of coffee or tea is where my mind wanders too during those times. However the fatigue that comes with chronic diseases is so very much more profound that descriptions can’t depict it accurately. No caffeine actually helps. Your body wants to crash, so lay down, if even for just 20 min and be sure your doctor hears about it. Many serious illnesses have extreme fatigue as an early symptom. A blood sample may reveal the cause. IE: Anemia? Encephalitis? Sjogrens, MS, Heart Disease and even some Cancers.

A chemical imbalance is easy to treat with supplements and can have you up and at ’em in no time. A chronic health condition is a different matter altogether. Have you heard of spoonies? We are a large group of people throughout the world that gauge our energy levels, fatigue actually by the number of spoons spent in a days time. We all start out with the same number. Every activity from waking, dressing, stressing, shopping, working, spends spoons. By late morning many times I am already out of spoons. Other Chronic disease sufferers may be able to get through dinner with their number of spoons. When our spoons are depleting a significant nap is in order to regain enough spoons to say hi to the family and go back to bed. Did you know sleeping burns up spoons? Imagine that. …

Remember sleep is a good thing, use it.

The Moon Tells the Sky, The Sky tells the Sea,

The Sea tells the Tide,

And the Tide Tells Me.

Sleep tight friends…..!


Once Upon my Daily Life

My body has developed tremors. Embarrassing shaking hands, legs, body. Not from drugs or medication induced, nor disease. A Central Nervous System glitch.

The shivering is not from the temperature, actually I am sweating, profusely. I realize the people around me think I might be lazy. Or worse being a drama queen! But, if they only knew the struggle it is to get up from a chair, to take a step, and know the misery that is coming, things will start to fade to gray within seconds, Blood pressure drops to 60/45(did this twice and scared me big time) and my body shakes. Nauseous and with chills. The pressure builds in my neck so it pounds and my head wants to explode. The pressure wants release out through my ears. Then the sweats come. All this in less than @ 3 minutes .Then it starts to pass as soon as I can sit. Sometimes I have to lie down.

Do you know what’s freaky, really weird? Once I stop exerting I feel normal! I never considered eating and standing up to be exercise but it is now! Yes and eating, well that sends this monster into overdrive. The mountains get much higher after eating.

So glad I am at home. I know I need a shower. Maybe later, maybe tomorrow. Just to do the menial little things I took for granted just a short while ago would mean the world to me.. The doctors tell me, ‘well it is likely progressive.’ This is more than that, this is a growing mutation with jaws! Progresses? If your not certain what this symptom is from how do we know what it will do? We don’t, we just surmise due to what we do know. I hate that word now, progressive?. If this thing, this nameless maybe this or that progressive thing continues on the path it’s been on I won’t be able to continue doing the little I do now.

Quality of life? Ha I lost mine. No one is sure what has crept in and stolen my life my energy my hope. Passing the buck seems to be a new art form among my doctors, they even went so far as to urge me to go to Mayo Clinic, they wrote them, and I was told they would call me with the appointment details. I got a letter over a couple of months later. Their reply knocked me back in the chair. “Sorry everything is being done that can be done”. Whaaaatt? Nothing much is being done! Talk, referrals that so far have not happened.

I have children and grandchildren. Plus 3 great grandchildren. They mostly have such sweet innocence in their eyes, in the empathy they try to show. My explanation feels useless and I’m hurting because I’m not the mom I used to be, not the Grand mom I wanted to be. I’m sorry. This is not the plan I had ever envisioned. It’s not even a hint of anything I want.

My family… being a burden to them is my constant guilt. I hate it. But I am so grateful for all they do. It’s impossible to comprehend what would happen to me without them. They are wonderful. Do you think God is teaching me humility. He is getting through, and He is a great teacher. Please, I ask may I be done with this now? But no, not yet. Or, maybe He wants me to learn how to suffer graciously? I am not doing so well in that department, but I know my pride is still trying to hang on. God hates pride. Pray for me please.

How I feel is all my daily conversations seem to entail, and I hate it. How do I escape this prison?. I feel alone. I am alone. Alone right now is not so bad, . Being out in public when this happens is humiliating. There’s that pride thing again. I am told I don’t look sick… some things you just can’t see. The invisible illness. There are so many.

woman wearing grey long sleeved top photography

I suppose that’s a good thing if you think about it. You look perfect on the outside, but on the inside, there is a disaster. I’m in a constant battle with my heart, every second, every hour, every minute of every day. The truth… there is no cure at this current time. Most diseases do not have cures. Certainly no cure for Sjogrens, or nOH or POTS. Or Microvascular disease, The medical profession specializes in treating not curing. There is medicine to help some people who can handle the 20 pages of side effects, but each person is different. So far my body doesn’t accept it well. Tomorrow is my hope, always tomorrow.

He is my Hope. A daily prayer to Him. I wonder why and how this fits in His plan. I do know though that this is in His plan.Maybe He might like me being a Zebra, or writing about it? A future… what now? How do I move forward being so stuck? Pushing through……. For my family, for a life for others! I used to be strong. I Must be strong. But I’m not, not anymore.

Remembering, you and I are not really alone on this journey. Today we have support and technology at our finger tips. It is hard to fathom how just a few short decades ago people did not have this to help them. How miserable and sorrowful they must have been.

Dysautonomia International offers support groups to help people impacted by autonomic system breakdowns. Where we can connect with others who “get it.” Visit http://www.dysautonomiainternational.org/support to find a support group. Sjogrens International, and Sjogrens Foundation is also a fantastic support site and full of wonderful `information. The Neurological Institute, The American Heart Association and a wonderful bunch of ladies, aka my Red Heart Sisters. There are really a great many Zebras in the world. Those of us shaped and looking like horses scattered in the herd of horses but are not. Definitely not horses. We require thinking out of the box medicine. We are zebras.

people silhouette during sunset
Support is out there

Thanks for sticking with me on here, all the way through. God Bless You greatly.


Overshadowed: The Mistreatment of People with Chronic Pain in Response to the Opioid Crisis — iCareTalk.net

Cameron Morgan More than 42,000 people died of opioid overdoses in the United States in 2016—9,000 more than in 2015. That’s the largest yearly increase in recorded history. And given the unwavering incline in annual opioid-overdose deaths since 1999, even more people might have died in 2017. It is clear this crisis needs to be […]

Overshadowed: The Mistreatment of People with Chronic Pain in Response to the Opioid Crisis — iCareTalk.net

Temptation v Test

In our current culture there are battles surrounding us. Simple conversations can set us off into ugly arguments. Society it seems is over energized. The world has gone wonky.

I have lived a goodly number of years and never have I felt the tension being so tightly wound that you can feel the coming explosion in the air. The unwinding has to take place. We feel it coming on the wind.

God has warned us (His Children) to be on our toes when this attitude begins to overtake the world and begins its ascent to a fever pitch. Satisfaction is difficult to find. Cynicism, doubt, mistrust, is wearying us all.

2 Tim.3:1-5 ” But, understand this, that in the last days there will come times of great difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying it’s power. Avoid such people.” Luke 12:53, “They will be divided, father against son,and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law”. You get the idea. Holiday get togethers will be anything but a picnic! ‘Mathew 24:7, tells us,” For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be famines and earthquakes in various places”. It’s already all the news carries, Countries, groups of them, cities even neighborhoods, we are being warned of as being unsafe.

Christians are forewarned in the Word of God
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

One would think that Christians would be armored up and at the ready, right? Well a good many are but it seems very many are not. Are they just weak, uninformed? No, all true believers have the Holy Spirit living in them. Teaching, leading, reminding, rebuking. To stay in sin for any length of time will become too uncomfortable for us. Then there are those who are followers but not committed, so have not the Holy Spirit. They want the things of God and heaven but just not now. Followers feel safe but they are not. They are being deluded by false prophets, teachers, preachers. Sadly. And it is said, “they went out from us, but they were not of us. for if they had been of us, they would have no doubt continued with us. But they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not of us”1Jn 2:19

At that last day, Jesus will separate the wheat from the tares. All Whose name is written in the book of life, and those whose name is not. They will be separated, ” as the sheep on His right and the goats on His left.” by Jesus. Mathew 25:33

I fear that many do not understand the differences between being tempted and those who are being tested. They are not the same. Don’t be fooled, they are not even close. This is no time in history to be confused about this.

person wearing guys fawkes mask watching flame
TheTempter Undisguised

Temptation comes from sin. The sin that already lives in us. The sin that Satan wants to use against you and me and the Church. God has nothing whatsoever to do with temptation, except He guarantees you will have a way out of it, so you do not have to succumb to it! If you do succumb it’s because you wanted to. End of story, full stop. I know, I have been there, it is not good.

Temptation also per the Word of God can lead to death! The devil is allowed to tempt us and to use our feelings to do it. That’s why we should never trust our feelings to guide us. Back the experience, the temptation, up against God’s word. Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you away from it. Ask God for strength, He will give it.

Temptation causes ruin, starts with a feeling often, an enticement to sin and evil. We are urged to misuse the gifts that God gave us. Not for good but for our pleasure. There are three ways for us to fight temptation, the first one I believe is IMMEDIATELY deal with it. Don’t give it time to grasp, grow or get a hold of your thoughts or feelings. Do not act on it. No. But 2ndly be RUTHLESS with getting rid of it. God tells us if our hand tempts us by reaching out or touching cut it off, or gouge out the eye that looks at it. To me that’s dealing with temptation, strongly, ruthlessly. Our souls are at stake!. Thirdly we must deal with them CONSISTENTLY. When Satan realizes were on to him and won’t win he will move on. At least for a while. For God’s children temptations are right at the top of Satans list of trying to shut us down. The devil doesn’t care much about those that are not God’s, now or ever. He already has them and just has to keep them from getting with God’s Chosen ones. Keep them away from truth and keep them wanting to believe the lie.

board chalk chalkboard exam

Testing however does come from God, and He only tests His own. God does not chastise or develop other children only His own. So if you have been rebuked, chastised by God consider it a blessing. We are to learn from testing, to grow, to become more Christlike. Develop integrity, character. To bring glory to God.

I have found that the longer I walk with God the greater, yes even more difficult the tests become, and the greater the blessing, if and when I get it right. He stays with us as we are tested, The Holy Spirit gives us direction all along the way. If we stumble or fall along the way, as soon as we confess it, (not because He doesn’t already know) but to show that we know! We acknowledge confess and are forgiven. We try again. And again, growing more into the people for Heaven.

Frankly knowing this and knowing how near we are to Christ coming back I expect we will be chased after all the more. The good news is God has said He will hang unto us, He told His father none would slip from His hand. He also said He will finish the good work He started in us! Count on it, I take it to my bank in God’s book.

So take heed my dear Brothers and Sisters, stay strong, stay in touch , run the race with all your heart……

two smiling women wearing yellow and green shirts

Encouraging each other, we run with confidence…….In Him who promises to never leave us or forsake us. .See you at the end of the race……..God Bless

Look Me in the Eye Decor

woman drawing colorful circles


Over the many years of my Interior Design career I had been asked on occasion to design or redesign offices. At first for friends of friends. Then from friends of clients. Nothing greater in any business is the referral of clients to friends. That’s how most businesses grow. Your sphere of influence we call it. One person speaks to another and then another until, if your fortunate a net work develops.

group of people sitting on sofa while discussing

Change the computers to a sketch pad and it looks about right at most art schools. Collaborative learning to share, experience.!

One of the first commercial type spaces I recall doing was for an Art School. Talk about nerve bending. The Director had started a school for budding artists and I kept the books for him in lieu of tuition. One of our first assignments was to lay out a design for a front lobby for the school. Then again we were tasked with an office for him. Design for your design teacher? Talk about feeling wobbledy and inadequate. There were only a couple dozen students at this time that were full time and another dozen or so part time. I was in the latter group. Mr. Boyajian was the Director of the school and one of my past high school art teachers, who also taught at MIAD. Briefly. Big shoes.

A good thing for me was that my accounting teacher was responsible for suggesting his colleague might do well to take me on in exchange for handling his ledgers. A Win Win. Since financially I would have never been able to even entertain the idea of going to a private Art School.

man wearing black and white stripe shirt looking at white printer papers on the wall

Home offices came later, so the offices I remember most were professional smaller business spaces. Often a space snuggled inside of another business space. For instance a management office within a Supper club. This particular space would serve many functions in a limited space. I love a challenge don’t you?

One of the first offices my daughter and I teamed up on was during a visit to my daughters home in central Illinois. Their family church needed the head Pastors office re imagined. The building was being sold and the church was moving to larger facilities. It needed a lot with hardly any budget, but a huge value in parishioners labor and expertise were at our disposal. That began a new bond with my fun daughter. Who knew? I planned, designed from home in Wisconsin and she oversaw and implemented from Illinois home base. We shopped it together. A Talented girl, who knew? After that, (it was a success, the Pastor and staff remarked repeatedly) The building sold quickly.

a small 8×10 counseling office for a local church group by my daughter and I
another view of therapy office

The greatest takeaway I could share on designing office space is to remember eye contact between the people who will utilize the space. Eye contact is key. Whatever the use, the most likely would be a private use office. (A conference room is not an office, by or in itself’.) Or multiple people who will be doing the using in unique cubicles. Trust is most often secured through eye contact. Conversational lay out requires face to face seating. Lighting also is a critical component necessary in early planning.

A therapist’s office décor should address specific psychological nuances that need to be conveyed through the choices of colors, design, and decorative accents. Following this objective ensures the most effective design.

Human Reactions to Color in Interior Design

Most people seeing a therapist have some issue that impacts mental, emotional, spiritual, and, many times, even physical health. Selecting the right color is imperative in creating the right kind of ambiance that will be conducive to constructive therapy.

  • Medical counseling
  • Spiritual counseling
gray standard color book near green eraser
  • See a previous blog of mine on the Brain and Color.

Color Affects Usage

Prominent color psychologist and author Angela Wright developed the theory of “Color Affects System” (Wright Theory) that was scientifically validated and proved – color affects people in very universal and specific ways. This part of the “Color Affects System” can assist you in selecting the most appropriate colors for an office ..

People react to color differently depending on its intensity. For example, a bright yellow room will stimulate a creative person, whereas a pale soft yellow will soothe the person. The four primary colors and their universal reactions are a great starting point for defining an office.

Color Affects Reaction
Blue Mind Stimulate higher productivity
Green Emotions Balance, calmness, reassuring
Yellow Creativity Self-confidence
Red Body Physical exertion

While there are four basic colors, there is a wide spectrum of hue variations for each.

  • Generally, it isn’t a good idea to use intense colors in a space where emotions tend to run high.
  • Use more than one color to create a color palette for specific type of office space. One or two other colors will keep the color choices in balance.
  • It’s important to control the intensity of your color palette and not allow it to become too vibrant and overpowering.

The best rule of thumb is to go with a pale color effect for the overall room design, such as pale colored walls for a calming and soothing affect. You can then layer darker hues and other colors throughout your office design.Color balance, spatial balance and symmetry are valuable tools. Remember blank space is also essential, the mind and the eye needs a place to rest.

A Pink base is great for feminine spaces, ie: Salons, Massage , Almost all skin tones look their best in a soft pink hue. Accented with white, orange, or yellow! Invariably however we will get gray or black in more than the chairs. Natural textures are comforting and adds dimension.

Blue office décor for larger consulting style offices.

A blue palette will stimulate the mind. In some instances, this might not be the reaction for instance a therapist wishes to evoke as an overall stimuli for clients. Even a pale blue might prove too much stimulus for some patients. The key is balance.

Start With Walls

Begin with a office color scheme of pale to medium toned walls. Add layers of lighter hues using art and accents well placed around the space.

You can use stencils or wallpapers along with paint or in place of paint. Just be sure that the patterns and colors don’t overwhelm the office design.

purple petaled flower

A beauty shop lounge?

Layer Accent Colors

  • Lumbar and throw pillows should match the color palette.
  • Use the fabric’s texture to further soothe clients.
  • Add texture in small ways to add dimension. and graphics.
  • And I believe every room needs some black.

Less can be more, but not always

Don’t over-decorate. Less is more when it comes to adding space. This can also be done with fabric choices that are patterned and offer a mix of colors in the graphics. Sparse decor should feature high-quality one of a kind focal pieces.

Balanced Green Offices

Green room decor by Chelle Design

Green room décor for group session

Green is described as the color of balance. It should be used with other colors to create a genuine balance of color. It can overpower to the point of generating a feeling of stagnation.Restaurateurs favor green scattered strategically to mimic the outdoors which stimulates appetite. Just not necessarily abundant in the office.

A pale green will help to soothe the emotional reactions of clients. A green décor scheme will create a restful and calming environment.

For example, you may choose to paint the wall a light pistachio and add a grouping of five, seven, or nine dark wood framed photos or paintings of forest scenes.

Choose a coordinated set of patterns in multi striped fabric for draperies, upholstery, pillow fabrics, carpeting/rugs, and accent pieces. Fabrics might also be floral, or plaid fabric patterns.

  • A wall waterfall has a calming effect and is a great focal point. As would be an office in wall fireplace, both feng sui features for instance in a lobby or a yoga studio ?
  • Nature-themed wall art can be also be artistic in the way it’s displayed, using multiple sizes in a larger set to create a unique look. Including murals. Or wall texturizing can be art by itself.
  • Art accent pieces can be displayed on a floating shelf or a set of three floating shelves for a stunning effect.

Have a Hobby?

If a golf enthusiast, you can express the love of the sport with photos of famous golf courses or even the your client on the green. A horse lover can showcase rolling pastures with running horses. Highlight the office with a few art objects in various textures of glass, pottery and fabric choices.

Form Follows Function, always

Yellow room decor
tray on coffee table

A crisp white can be used as a primary or an accent color, along with varied hues of white, accent colors and or black. Some ways to layer accent colors if your scheme is not monochromatic as depicted in the picture above include:

  • Add lumbar and throw pillows in a stripe, plaid, or solid color.
  • Draperies can be a solid or a print fabric.
  • Simple white blinds always effective can be closed as necessary.
  • Art objects, like vase sets, can be rounded or curved for calming forms. Remember odd is beautiful. Think in terms of 3 or 5 individual pieces of similar characteristics but varied in size or shape.

Office Furniture and Accessories

As important as the colors, textures and patterns, the way you layout the office and additional decorative items you use for accent pieces are equally important. Clients should have an immediate and positive response to your office design. They should feel comfortable and “at home” during their appointments.

Furniture for Comfort and Style

It is quite common to opt for a couch or a pair of chairs as furniture choices. This is especially effective for couples or family counseling practices. An ottoman may be a good choice for additional seating for larger families. Another of my personal faves would be all chair groupings, in a circle. Just not rockers for obvious reasons.

people gathered inside house sitting on sofa
How NOT do decorate an office for counselors !! Sometimes it helps to see what not to do.

Some therapists, counselors prefer individual sessions over group and opt for an occasional relaxing recliner or chaise lounge.In lieu of a sofa also. Group sessions will require furniture that can be stowed or easily moved to create a circle.

man sitting on sofa with his laptop
This is just to cute to not use in the NOT use section

” For therapy offices, that means creating a calm and refreshing environment to balance the rigorous mental and emotional work of therapy..

Well-designed therapy offices also exude softness, personalization and orderliness, finds research by environmental psychologist Ann S. Devlin, PhD, of Connecticut College, and urban planning researcher Jack L. Nasar, PhD, of The Ohio State University. In their research examining people’s reactions to 30 photographs of actual therapy offices, the more a space exhibited those characteristics—cozy elements like comfortable chairs and soft pillows, attractive touches like artwork, and neatness—the better people felt about the offices and the therapists who worked there, they found (Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 2012).

So, given such insights how should practitioners design an office from scratch or redo a space that’s seen better days? Specifically, therapists should:

Keep it light. The color of the office walls sets a tone. Wall colors in light, soothing colors like sage green or dusty blue promote a sense of calm and relaxation, environmental designers say.

Go with the grain. For reasons that aren’t entirely clear, people prefer natural-colored wood with a grain rather than nongrain surfaces, research finds. People also feel more comfortable with wood than with slicker options like glass and chrome,

That said, there’s a limit to how much wood you should use: Research shows that when natural wood surfaces like floors and walls exceed 45 percent of a room’s surface, they start losing their stress-busting effects.

Let the sun shine in. Natural light is a big mood booster, so when possible, incorporate windows or skylights, . If windows are at eye level, the best views look out on calming, natural scenery, not onto bustling sidewalks or roads with distracting sights and sounds.

If your office lacks windows, use floor and table lamps with soft lighting rather than overhead fluorescent lighting to promote a feeling of comfort and coziness,along with strategically placed mirrors. Some lightbulbs even simulate natural light, which can boost the positive ambience of windowless offices.

Embrace the natural. Bringing nature into the office—whether with plants, nature embodied in artwork, decorative objects or views of plant-filled courtyards and landscaped areas—can enhance the healing quality of a space. “Just looking at landscaping has been shown to lower blood pressure,”

The right nature-based artwork can also give clients a way to muse on life situations, these experts add. Images of a pathway through a serene landscape or a bench in the middle of a pleasingly landscaped garden can foster relaxation or allow clients to make mental associations with the imagery. But, avoid nature imagery that’s confusing, chaotic or complex. “You want to look at a scene that would be comfortable to enter,”

Promote your expertise. Displaying your credentials might seem self-serving, but clients want to see signs of your expertise, research also finds.

Have your client’s back. An evolutionary perspective can help you make intelligent decisions on what is arguably the most important element in your office: the client chair.

To support people’s need for control, consider having chairs that can be moved or are large enough to let people shift to one side or the other and adjust the distance between themselves and the therapist.

A related suggestion: Place small tables next to client chairs, which can enhance clients’ sense of “territory” by giving them a place to put personal items. Your clients will appreciate that you’ve attended to their comfort and convenience,

Foster communication. If you use tables in your office for individual or family sessions, research shows that round tables support better communication and sense of control than square or rectangular ones, Also, the presence of computers is shown to impede communication, particularly when the client perceives that the provider is paying more attention to the computer than to him or her. Screen-sharing strategies—technology that enables you to project information onto a table, for example, or simply facing the screen toward clients—can promote clients’ sense of trust and inclusion,.

Go with the flow. Anything that promotes flow and efficiency in your immediate and larger office space is worth addressing, according to research compiled by APA’s Practice Organization. Keeping a clean, uncluttered desk and placing the items you need closest to you—computer, phones and appointment book, for instance—can help you keep a clear head and feel in charge of your space.

Not too fancy, not too shabby. When selecting furniture and finishes for your office, keep client demographics in mind, adds Gum. In general, people feel most comfortable with a middle range of furnishings—those that aren’t overly fancy or expensive, but not cheap or shabby, either.

“If you’re putting in very expensive materials but your clientele is not at the upper end of the socioeconomic spectrum, you can alienate people,” says Gum. Conversely, old or poorly made furnishings can make it look like you’re not doing well—the wrong message to send clients.

Put your client first. Remember that you’re designing your office more for your client than for yourself, Gum emphasizes. Including some personal elements can be subliminally comforting to clients, but make sure they don’t overpower a sense of neatness and calm, she advises.

Including art that demonstrates your openness to different cultures can also be a plus, particularly if you serve multicultural clients, finds research by Devlin and colleagues (Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 2013). H

Investing in good office design isn’t just about creating an attractive space, it’s about investing in your business and professional calling,

“If it’s designed right,” she says, “your office can help you deliver care in ways that really do promote your clients’ well-being.”

Interested in the link between psychology and design? Check out the work of APA Div. 34 (Society for Environmental, Population and Conservation Psychology), which among its foci explores behavior and the built environment. Learn more about Div. 34 at www.apadivisions.org/division-34/index.aspx.

In larger therapeutic offices or multi purpose offices consider:

  • Oversized reclining sofa: This style offers comfort and a reclining option.
  • Contoured chaise lounge: A chaise lounge offers relaxed seating.
  • Settee: A settee is an ideal choice for couple’s counseling or a parent and child session.
  • Pair of chairs: An intimate pair of wing-backed chairs is ideal in one-on-one counseling. The high back gives a sense of security and protection.
  • Recliner: Style is everything, so select a recliner that fits the clientele. If working with teenagers, a more modern design might work best.
  • Folding chairs: Brings a sense of hominess to the group circle with upholstered wood chairs.
Hanover Office Furniture at Neiman Marcus

Desk and chair at Neiman Marcus

Pay attention to chair styles and functions.

  • Chair style: Don’t neglect your personal style and the room’s color when selecting a desk and chair.
  • Desk and chair: Comfort while working is paramount for any office, but you can still opt for a contemporary set if you choose.

Area Rugs

Add a rug for texture and comfort. Even if the space has a carpet base, a gorgeous patterned field area rug makes a statement.As you can see in this space we layered a rug on top of a rug on carpet!

  • A soft blue area rug can become the main centerpiece and tie together wall, furniture, and even red accent pieces.
  • A modern deep shag or knotted pile pale green area rug can be used with white or pink painted walls, white wood furniture, and green floral cushions. Rose window decor.
  • A solid colored yellow area rug makes a great back drop for the rest of your room color palette and patterns.


Lighting shouldn’t be intrusive.

be brilliant neon light

In a Salon or Design Studio perhaps? (The sign not the wallpaper)

  • Desk lamps are important and should be selected for function as well as style.
  • Floor lamps are a great way to add more lighting without taking up table space.
  • Recessed lighting on a dimmer switch is a must for creating the right ambiance for relaxation. Lit corners add a sence of space and remember to light any special art. Baseboard or moldings, crowns and medallions are beautiful accented with LED lighting. Put up lights in all floor pots, especially in corner areas or spaces earmarked for attention.


Sound is often over looked, but should not be. Our aim is to help clients relax and be comfortable. Background music can assist many uses of office space. One of our most needed senses the acoustics in the environment should not be overlooked. For instance in counseling or therapy sound can assist with learning. Even new coping techniques. While many use music, other tools can be used that are also objects used to enhance room décor.

  • Water fountain: Select a desktop style for an end table or coffee table or a larger one to set on the floor.
  • Wind chimes: The effect of wind chimes in a gentle breeze can be recreated with a low-speed oscillating floor fan. Select soft sounding chimes. A decorative tabletop wind chime can be placed on a coffee table or end table.

Plants and Flowers

Plants and fresh flowers offer a vibrancy to any office. Living plants can inspire, encourage, and improve attitudes. Purchase from local shops. Buy a bouquet of fresh flowers to keep in a vase on a desk, replacing with fresh ones the moment the flowers begin to wilt.

photo of leaves

  • Floor plants can be used as decorative elements. Place at entrances, corners, and behind sofas or chairs.
  • Potted tabletop plants add depth and interest to the use of plants in room designs.
  • Fresh cut or even a few of todays look like fresh floral arrangements can be set on a desk, shelf, bookcase, or tabletop to add aroma, color and texture.

Personalize Office Design

While an office design needs to be mindful of the clients it will service, it still needs to reflect the business it reflects.. Be sure to add special touches that reflect travels, hobbies, education, collections, and other personal touches to make it unique and individual.

Thank you for all who shared their insight and information……Happy Designing!

When it’s a Conundrum!

man wearing black and white stripe shirt looking at white printer papers on the wall

Today’s health care we understand has problems. Right? Well almost every system involved in the world has problems. Mainly since man is involved in their creation or management. Let’s take finance for instance. Our money is pretty darn important to us. If we are among those with enough of it to worry about, there are consultants to help ease our anxiety. However, Health care is a life or death system, and it is screwed up. Today especially.

First of all there is not just one facet of health care that we can go to for all our care. That works well. Our system needs healing to be its focus. Our primary focus ! A system patient centric that’s purpose is to Mitigate pain and reverses the crawl of disease or eliminates it altogether when possible. We need to rid our failing system of the intrinsic forces at work impeding it.Insurers practicing medicine far from the patients bedside for money making purposes does not enhance our system. It interferes with it. It is actually deadly and a deterrent that must be regulated away.

Decades ago we would ask around if we needed to locate a good doctor and someone almost always had a recommendation. Family Doctor, or Pediatrician, we would find one we liked and we had a tendency to stay with them. For a lifetime in many cases, or until we moved away or something like that. Today these brief encounters with strangers on our corners located in bright new buildings may be great for the revenue stream but does not add a twat for the patient. It defers empathy which is desperately needed to discuss treatments, the time to go over the difficult diagnosis, or to just get a correct one.

adult care cure doctor

Doctors would be able to call in a specialist if needed, and when all was improving then we would be back to basics again. Our doctors knew our OB’s, our Pediatricians, Orthopedics involved with the entire family. Or at the least hadthe file right there. They knew our personalities, family genetics and habits. Good and bad. Their partners knew us as well in case they had to fill in. This worked out very well in many ways, especially with diagnosing. If our Doctor knew Dad had heart issues since he was 40, when Junior started running out of breath at 30 doing menial yard work Doc knew right where to start looking. Or Susie had a car accident ten years ago, and she banged her head. She was knocked out for a few minutes. Now ten years later, and suffering headaches, Doc knew where to look first. By the way Mom had a long history of migraines, and anemia issues. It could have been a long round about search but her Doctor was familiar in her details of life. It takes time to develop that kind of trust and familial intimacy. 15 minutes on a TV screen or in an office won’t cut it. Patients and their medical care team are to be partners. Patients must be looked at as individuals not as numbers or a quota on a graph. Patients made to feel inadequate won’t open up or participate. They must feel safe in being honest and in sharing their thoughts and questions. No one is more of a specialist for a patient than the patient. Working together as in the past will help to eradicate many of today’s medical conundrums.

But Not today. We now have a doctor for 15 minutes. The suggested protocol today requires we start with a Primary Care Practitioner. They are actually today most likely to be General Practitioners, Internists, Family doctors etc. However, they act more like facilitators.Or we are allowed a visit with a PA. A physicians assistant. Almost as knowledgeable as a doctor working over her or a student does not infuse confidence. A patient who lacks trust in their care giver has little chance of healing. Which is counter-productive if you ask me. There is becoming a serious shortage of Primary Care doctors. We get our 15 minutes, often in a day that the system that pays our PCP requires them to at least see 100 patients. Or more per day. My husbands last pulmonologist told me it was not unusual for him to see 250 patients some days! I can’t remember details about 10, even trained could you honestly say you could be familiar enough to treat or diagnose hundreds in a day? Error free? That begs incredulity. Our PCPs operate mostly as a landing spot for all the other specialists we now must see, for 15 minutes, and to send their reports to. It is actually dangerous today to go to a doctor or hospital. I am not being facetious, it’s true. The fox is guarding the hen house, well disguised.

Do you remember that game we used to play at parties, where one person would whisper a story to another person next to them? Then that person did the same thing to the next person next to them, repeating the same story. And on and on until the story comes back to the first person who whispered it out. Only now he doesn’t recognize it as the story he first told. It’s now changed, a lot! Well that is how our health system functions. Imagine if you had to go to the hospital? A new doctor, or a hospitalist, another specialty, and another doctor and string of nurses totally unfamiliar with you, having to depend completely on what someone put in a computer. Remember when we were first learning about computers and mistakes happened all the time. We were told garage in and garbage out.

Here’s how it is most likely to work. We call in talk to the nurse, tell her/him our story. She makes us an appointment, takes notes between calls and starts a file on us and whomever else called. At the appointed time, We go in see the doctor for our 15 minutes. Half of that quarter hour he is reading the nurses notes, asks us a few questions, checks the boxes on the computer, watches the clock and has to decide what our problem is. Symptoms are Fatigue, palpitations, out of breath, sore mouth, itchy ears, joint pain, burning eyes and always thirsty. Our patient tells him its like having the flu every day.Mr. P tells the doctor he is very achy. These symptoms have been getting worse and he guesses he has had them for several weeks. The Doctor stands when times up, he’s ordered blood work to be drawn, and Mr. P. should come to see him again in 3 weeks. At 100 per day minimum, times 5 days a week, times 3 weeks. About 1500 or more office visits with various patients later.

Blood work results were loaded into the Electronic Health Record, by a nurse or lab or Hmm? ESR is a little high, not bad though CRP also, everything else looks good. Doctor decides it is probably a flu, or sinus infection. He will give an antibiotic, let’s see if we can get you better. Then the DR Says, ” he notices you can’t take penicillin?” You answer,” why not?” He states,” the record says you’re allergic to it”. ” AHH, not that I am aware of,” you tell him. And it begins. The errors. Fortunately Mr. P. was awake and responsive, alert and could correct the error.

Are you aware that more people die from medical error each year than only two other causes altogether? Over 250,000 people die and more are maimed, every year! Let that sink in a second. More than all types of accidents or shootings together. More than from Cancer, heart disease, car accidents etc every year!

So back now to our patient and his PCP. Doctor gave him a script for 750 mg of Cipro for 5 days. “Glad we caught the penicillin error,” Patient thinks, “Whewwww that could have been bad”. The patient leaves the office a little uneasy. He starts the script as directed because he wants to feel better. Within 72 hours he has developed horrible pain new in his left ankle and right elbow. Plus he continues to have all the symptoms he started with that sent him to a doctor to begin with.

He calls the doctors’ office frustrated and ill at ease. His new situation is relayed to the nurse, and she says she will let the doctor know. As he waits anxiously for a call back from the doctor his wife calls him to check in, she’s thoughtful that way. She had been researching her husbands symptoms and believes hubby may have Sjogrens Syndrome or another autoimmune issue. She tells him to look it up at the Mayo Clinic or Cleveland Clinic sites. PubMed or Johns Hopkins too. Good trustworthy informative sites loaded with information. It truly is a new day. If more patients used it more lives may be protected. Meanwhile the doctors’ office called back, and he was told to ice the joints that hurt and take a 500mg tylenol for the pain. Also, to come back to see him next week. An appointment is made and he goes to his computer. As long as he’s looking things up he decides to check out the side effects of Cipro, he is really hurting since he started taking it.

Now he is shocked! He immediately decides to stop taking the Cipro. He read that this is a broadspectrum antibiotic, made to kill anthrax! A Fluoroquinolone antibiotic which are very controversial. The FDA has labeled them to watch out for attacks on your tendons and ligaments plus these can literally change the mita chondria in your DNA.Aortic aneurysms are also possible. Another concern. Decides he will not finish the script.

The Sjogrens Syndrome research ticks off all the right boxes. It is an autoimmune disease that attacks moisture producing glands, the exocrine glands and others. The glands that are involved with creating moisture? We are mostly water in our bodies, so this could be difficult. The info suggests either a Rheumatologist or a Neurologist is preferred for treating Sjogrens. There is no cure but serious damage can occur if left untreated. Now he has a conundrum.

He wonders. Why didn’t the Doctor just give me the Penicillin? Didn’t he believe me when I said I wasn’t allergic to it? Why wasn’t Sjogrens considered as a diagnosis? Is it because I am a man and more women usually get it? Why wasn’t I informed of the Achilles tendon and ligament damage potential from the Cipro? Even after I called and informed them of my new pain? Questions galore and he felt worse. His body ached but no fever. Wouldn’t the flu cause a fever? Trust has left the room.

If no infection the Cipro can cause havoc in the body. It attacks soft tissue if it can’t find an infection to gobble.It is listed as a secondary medication, definitely not a first line medication. No warning from the doctor, why didn’t I read that pamphlet the pharmacist put in the bag with the pills? I will from now on and I will ask the doctor point-blank what the side effects are whenever I get a new medication. No I should always ask! Old or new.

Sometimes the article on the Fluoroquinolones said that the side effects may not show up for months or years. How would anyone ever put two and two together to know that a medication you took maybe 6months ago caused the problem? No I am going to ask about every prescription from here on. They are expensive medications, definitely more than the penicillin or any others I have had? Wondering why.

Next week he kept the appointment, being hardly able to walk or use his arms. Now both ankles, and elbows were inflamed and hurt worse than his original complaint had . He spent ten of the 15 minutes allotted for his appointment bombarding the doctor with questions. This week he had his wife accompany him to ask questions that he might forget to ask. He asked several times to be referred to a Rheumatologist because he was concerned he might have Sjogrens Syndrome. The doctor related that he didn’t believe the Cipro had caused any extra pain or harm since he gives it out often, and he never heard from a patient about anything like this. His drug Rep has told him these are excellent and safe. He prescribes it often as it will find any and all kinds of infections. That helps insure us there are less return visits from patients.( He didn’t mention that many insurance companies and medicaid and medicare won’t pay for return visits anymore). It is supposed to be an incentive for the medical practices to do a better job getting it right the first time. Except the good intentions back fired. Now the doctors are using nuclear weapons to kill off mosquitoes. Follow the money. Our doctor works for a large corporate hospital affiliation, he is an employee.

All those new rules, insisted on by insurers are causing real conundrums.

To top it off the doctor was not aware of the current black box warning on the medication. The most dangerous warning a pharmaceutical can get. The patient was refreshing the mind of the doctor, but the primary companies protocol called for him to use it. So the doctor not being aware ignored the warning.

The doctor ordered more blood work looking for autoimmune markers. He would make the referral based on the outcome of the blood test. Our patient asked for the referral now anyway since the blood work doesn’t always show the markers every time. The doctor agreed, and He was told the nurse would put in a referral and call him when it was set up. It took 3 weeks to get the call, and another two weeks to get into see the doctor. Meanwhile the blood work confirmed the Sjogrens titre was elevated. Becoming an astute patient he began drinking water, a lot of water which every article his research taught him said that was an imperative now and always. If indeed this is Sjogrens Syndrome, the Rheumatologist would need to decide if it was primary or secondary before initiating any treatment plan. His hope now was that this particular Rheumatologist was familiar with the disease. Researchers warned in the literature that even though it is not as rare a disease as once thought many doctors and medical schools are way behind the curve on it. Rare difficult to treat disease syndromes are not money makers, unless progressed significantly. Patient P has decided being his families advocate seems to be the prudent thing to do.

white oval medication pill beside blister pack

Patient P. asked for a copy of all of his blood work to take with him to his appointment in two more weeks. His wife was going along and would take notes. He also asked the nurse from the doctor if the error about the penicillin had been removed from his file. No, It was still there. He instructed her to remove it asap! She said she would. But needed to discuss it with the doctor first. One can only hope.